


(I Can't) Let Go

by badjujuboo (miztrezboo)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Porn With Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-02
Updated: 2013-05-02
Packaged: 2017-12-09 11:34:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/773743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miztrezboo/pseuds/badjujuboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now there could have been a point for it to stop there, for them both to pull back and laugh and Louis to lick Liam's cheek in return and they could have gone on, forgotten that it happened. Louis could have shoved him off the sofa and called him a perv and they could have called it a night. But when Liam closes his mouth around Louis thumb, when Lou presses down for a fraction of a second and Liam finds himself sucking a little - there really is no going back from that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(I Can't) Let Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [robpatFF](https://archiveofourown.org/users/robpatFF/gifts).



> because morgan said i was allowed to write angst instead of smut and then this happened anyway. Soz. Massive thanks to S from S & P of **hostagesfic** for her comma loving eye looking over this and to Erin because she completes me. (all mistakes are mine. its ridiculously late/early and sometimes things have to be posted. for reasons)

**(I Can't) Let Go**

It was hard when all he wanted to do was lie in bed and sleep. Not move. Not think. Just dream.

It was hard because life had a way of preventing that. Phones rung. Work beckoned. Friends had keys to your flat and just invited themselves in.

Friends that tugged you out from under the covers and forced you into the bath and made you wash your hair.

Friends that didn't look at you sympathetically anymore.

Now it was just pity at its best.

Sleep though. Sleep was where dreams reigned and she was still there and Liam's heart was still full and not broken and beaten and unable to truly beat anymore. In dreams he still held Danielle close. Still felt the warmth of her breath at the nape of his neck. Could still feel a happiness that shone from every part of him - made complete strangers on the street smile and nod like they could feel it, too.

Not now. 

\- - - -

Liam is cold most of the time. Wears two pairs of socks around the house when he can't find where Louis has hidden his slippers after he claims that they are even more rank than his own beloved Toms. Liam might have to agree, although only silently to himself because Louis' feet are kind of _horrid_ smelling all the time. Especially because Lou isn't fond of socks. Ever. Even in winter.

It feels like no matter how many layers he puts on - he'll never get proper warm. He turns the radiator up and he wears two different knitted jumpers that he's sure one at least belongs to Harry. It's got holes in the cuff where he knows Harry likes to fit his thumbs. Lazy bugger hates buying gloves so will just curl his hands up in the sleeves instead. If Liam _has_ to go out - it's with one of Zayn's leather jackets pulled on over the top, the encompassing scent of smoke and Zayn's particular two colognes blending together to make him think of home. Then it's the scarf Louis left once that's miles too long and he has to wrap it around his neck four times just to keep the ends from dragging on the ground. It helps though, when he nuzzles the soft fabric against his face and can smell a little piece of each of them. His oldest friend, his best mate, his rock. 

He hates leaving the house. Hates seeing happy couples that are on every corner. Hates seeing smiling faces of those who can only look that way because of the love they have in their lives. He knows it's unhealthy. Knows that the permanent scowl on his face and the way he has to stop sometimes to sit and try and _breathe_ is bad. He keeps telling himself that he'll wake up one morning and it'll be better. He'll be better. But every night he goes to bed missing her warmth and in the morning he wakes up alone and it hurts and it takes _everything_ he has to answer his phone when Louis rings at eight every single morning like clockwork.

"You up?"

Liam glares at the ceiling and hates Louis a little. 

"I can hear you breathing so I gather that's a yes. You've got thirty minutes till I call again. Then I'm sending Nialler over if you're not showered and shaved-" he pauses his rant as Liam moans, "fine, don't shave today. But you do have a meeting at twelve and you _will_ be presentable."

Liam runs a hand over his face, wishing for the millionth time that he never went into business with friends. Not friends like Louis who somehow felt responsible for Liam and his broken heart and his messed up life just because he'd been the one to introduce Liam to Danielle in the first place.

Wasn't Louis' fault that Liam wasn't exciting or adventurous or funny enough for Danielle. Wasn't Louis' fault that Liam just wasn't _enough_. 

"Come on, love. One meeting today and I'll even let you go home after."

"Straight home?" Liam asks, voice small and timid as he rolls over with the phone pressed to his ear, curling in on himself and staring at the empty space where the photograph of he and Danielle kissing under the Eiffel Tower once stood. Now dust just gathered in it's absence. She hadn't even left him memories. Took all of those too. Frames and photos and pieces of their history that she only wanted for the wood that surrounded them.

He'd found the photos in the bin after she'd left. Torn up and with the mornings tea leaves thrown all over them. Like what they'd had meant nothing at all. Three years ended by text message and a half empty flat that they used to call home. 

"Yeah, babe. I know what today is," Louis says all soft and tender and Liam's about to ask just _what_ day it is when it hits him.

Oh.

_Oh._

"But I'll be over tonight, alright? Just you, me, Batman and that Glenfidditch that you like. I've even cleared your schedule for tomorrow morning and Harold will be back from LA by then and he's promised to make us a fry up when he gets in the door."

The corner of Liam's lip twitches, "He hates it when you call him that."

Liam does smile, only a little, when he hears Louis' bark of a laugh, "Well, he's not here and you're not going to tell him so it doesn't matter does it? We both know that boy will forgive anything if I give his hair a good scratch. Must have been a bloody cat in a past life."

Liam laughs but it's not proper, not from his belly or from that place where all good, proper laughs come from. He's got a lump in his throat and this weight settling in his chest because he _does_ remember what today is. Why he wanted to stay asleep and just dream through the next twenty four hours. 

Or maybe the rest of his life because occasionally - especially on a day like today - he doesn't really believe that he'll ever feel good again.

"Alright, you better have your toes at least out from under the covers, Payne." Louis says and Liam throws the duvet up and over his head. Like it'll keep all the warmth from Louis' voice on the phone under there with him. Keep out all that the rest of the world has to offer. A day dedicated to feeling like shit. Knowing that he wasn't good enough. Knowing that he couldn't give her what she wanted. Knowing that she wouldn't stay. 

"Take the bloody duvet off your head and get in the shower, Li." Louis says a lot harsher this time and Liam whines, throwing the cover away and swings his legs over the side of the bed. 

He knows that tone and he knows that Louis _will_ make good on sending Niall around and Niall is worse that Louis and Zayn put together when it comes to ordering Liam about. He doesn't look the type to be pushy, all slow smiles and quick laughs and fast talk that sometimes descends into indecipherable Irish wit depending on how many pints he's had or if he's been back home to his mam's or if he's been around the LIC (London Irish Crew) when they're all in town. Yet put a golf club in Niall's hand, and he's as serious as a heart attack. For some reason - maybe because Liam's his manager, maybe because Liam had to do it to Nialler when he injured his knee and thought his burgeoning career was ended before it began - Niall has no qualms ordering Li about. 

Probably loves that he's not the one on the end of one of Liam Payne's rants that he's somehow become well known for. 

"I'm up, I'm up," he says loudly into the phone. "I'll drive in, Betsy's engine needs a turn over." The thought of starting up his little red Morris Minor stirs something in his chest, something a little like warmth and then it's gone when he remembers he bought that car for _her_. "Or maybe you could send a car, I can never find a park near the office anyway."

Louis sighs and Liam feels worse because he knows Louis knows exactly why he changed his mind so fast.

"Fine. I'll call Paul. But he'll be there at ten and you _know_ he won't hesitate to keep his hand on the horn until you come out. You don't need any more complaints from that wanker Derek next door so-"

"Get up already. I know. I'm taking my pants off now, bossy."

"Thanks for the unnecessary visual, Li. See you soon,"

Liam smiles and stands, ending the call with a press of a button, throwing the phone onto the bed behind him as he stretches his arms above his head, yawning and shivering a little with how cold the room is. Or maybe it's him. It was rather toasty in the safe confines of his bed. He heads to the bathroom and showers, unable to avoid the mirror today because this contract will mean a lot to Niall and it means publicity for Liam's company. He cleans up his beard a bit - well, the three or four day growth he's let take over his face while hiding basically moving from the couch to the kitchen, his bed and on occasion the loo in the week he's spent at home. He trims it best he can, takes time with his hair because he's fairly certain Louis isn't above having a barber hidden in his office just in case Liam comes in looking a tad worse for wear. 

He _had_ come at Liam with a set of nose clippers once, but Liam threatened to switch from Yorkshire to Tetley at work and that ended that particular conversation. 

Louis was particular about his tea.

He avoids looking at the bed when he heads back into the room. He's learned the hard way if he even gives it the barest glance it'll be a second before he's sliding under the covers, hiding away from the world. Then Louis will be over in an hour and he'll drag Liam out or pour an entire bucket of water over the bed (which resulted in Liam having to sleep on the sofa for a week and then buying a new mattress because it was winter and the damn thing wouldn't dry and started growing mould). So it's best for everyone, really, that Liam just closes his right eye and focuses on the wardrobe. It's a big meeting today. A big day all around really with what he now remembers is also occurring. 

Honestly. Who gets married on a Friday?

Ex girlfriends. That's who.

Liam pushes Danielle from his mind as best he can. Picks out the light pink shirt she always hated on him, dark slacks as well as his lucky red pants that he always wears whenever it's something important like this. Not that he only has _one_ pair of lucky red pants. It's just the colour that helps. Or maybe it's not, but it got him the startup money from the bank in the beginning and it lead him to Louis who runs the company better than Liam ever could have dreamt of doing on his own and they're the same colour he wore when he asked Danielle to move in with him so. . . maybe they're not so lucky after all.

But tradition is tradition and Liam is a man who likes routine and all that comes with it. Hence his ease at staying home and wallowing in his hurt rather than facing the day like Harry is always at him to. 

Harry doesn't _get_ it though. Harry's never had his heart smashed into so many pieces they're like dust in the wind or that creepy ending to Voldemort that Louis blubbered through and Liam pretended not to notice. Harry is a few years younger than Liam and normally it doesn't matter - Harry's got a good head for media and works the PR side of things like a pro but he's never been involved in someone as deeply as Liam was with Danielle. Or thought he was. Maybe Harry had the right idea, like who you wanted to like as long as you like and keep things friendly after that. Never get too close, never get too hurt.

Liam pushes all thoughts of relationships from his mind. From girls with long curly hair and smiles that Liam would count well after they'd shared timid I love you's and learned the taste of each others skin. He can't be thinking about her today. Even if she's never too far from his mind. Not today when this charity golf tournament that Niall's wanted to do since the day Liam signed him and not today when he has to, _has to_ have his head on right so it won't fall apart. Liam won't screw it up, because he loves Niall and he believes in what Niall wants to do and it's for children and who doesn't want to help with that?

He gets dressed in plenty of time and when he's checking his watch it's only half nine. He heads to the kitchen to grab a quick cuppa before he'll make his way downstairs to wait for Paul.

\- - - - 

"We're really excited to work with you on this Mr. Payne, Mr. Horan."

"Likewise," Liam says and his cheeks hurt from smiling. They've actually done it. "I'll have my people contact yours when we have the next step ready."

He'll never not feel like a prat saying "my people." But the thing is - he actually _does_ have them - well, a Louis but a Louis is worth ten of whoever they have. Liam is sure of this.

They smile and nod and then Louis is opening the conference room door and Liam is just staring after him. He can hear their feet on the polished floor and Louis' voice along with laughter that sounds one shade closer to real than polite. Louis' great for that, making anyone that walks through their doors feel welcome and at ease. Usually has them eating out of the palm of his hand after ten minutes in his presence. Liam remembers, once again, why hiring his slightly loopy, at that stage - unemployed/career exploring - ex room mate from Uni was the very best of ideas. Louis has been worth every single moment of awkward (when he caught Louis and the the delivery boy from Niall's favoured Snapback company with his pants around his ankles, Louis answering the phone with a testy "What!" after a particularly late night working on a project only to have the manager of the firm they were trying to get a deal with be on the end of the line). Louis does have his finer points though and being a people person is one of them.

Niall and Liam sit and wait and watch for Louis to return and when he does, with the world’s largest grin on his face, that's all it takes for Niall and Liam to break into cheers and back slapping and a hug from Louis that Liam can feel in his bones. 

"We did it!" Liam smiles into Louis' hair, Louis pushing up on his tiptoes to press his face into Liam's neck, tilting his head up a little so Liam can feel his breath warm against his ear. 

"You did. You were fucking amazing, Li. Amazing." 

Liam hugs Lou a little tighter, can't find the words to say what he feels about Louis right now, can't anyway once Nialler virtually throws himself on top of them both and they're laughing like idiots in seconds.

"We are going out tonight, lads!" Niall says while extricating himself from what nearly becomes a pile of body parts on the ground with how hard he tackles them. They only _just_ manage not to not topple over. Niall isn't a big lad, but you can definitely feel the hours he's spent working out at the gym when he isn't out on the green. 

Liam's already nodding his head - because it's Niall and he never takes no for an answer and even if Liam hates going out at the moment - he'll do it for Niall. He opens his mouth to suggest somewhere quiet, someplace Liam knows he won't get hit on (maybe - he's always been shite picking up on social cues like that, took him forever to realise Dani liked him just as much as he liked her. For a while) but he doesn't have to say a word because Louis speaks for him.

"Yes! Drinks! This is going to be better than Batman and scotch, Li," he says with a bright smile and this tiny lift to his brow like he's checking if Liam agrees. As if Liam has a choice when it comes to actually going out or not. If he said no, they'd guilt him into it. If he lied and said yes and never came back out after heading home - they'd just come over and drag him out anyway. Much easier to agree in the long run.

And it might be fun. Might be a little better than staying in and drinking with just Louis and Christian Bale for company and his thoughts. Those pesky thoughts that would surely make him wonder if Dani had said "I do" yet. If she'd used that song she mentioned once when they were in the car travelling to his parents that she'd love to use as her wedding song. If she had cut the traditional fruit cake she was sure to have - she hated the taste but loved the marzipan on top. If she'd kissed the man she'd swore she'd never leave, just like she'd promised Liam so many times before she disappeared out of his house. Out of his life. But still firmly entrenched in his heart. 

"Alright," Liam says and Louis's baby blues near disappear into his crinkly eyed smile. 

Louis leans in and hugs him tight and he pretends not get choked up when Louis whispers a soft, "Proud of you, Li," close to his ear. He isn't sure if it's about the deal or the fact Liam is voluntarily going out for the first time in what adds up to nearly a year. 

Louis lets go and they're all smiling madly as Louis starts gathering the papers on the table, Niall shovelling one or possibly two danishes in his mouth that had been there for the meeting and - as usual - no one had touched. Liam thought they were a waste of money because _no one_ ate at meetings like this but Louis said they were necessary - made them look generous or giving or welcoming or something - and Liam doesn’t really mind all that much in the end. Not as long as Niall is around to give them a good home in the never ending pit that is his stomach.

"Harold is going to be so pissed that he missed this. The Payno actually leaving the house for once."

"I do leave the house you know," Liam says with a roll of his eyes, picking at one of the pastries himself because apart from the cup of tea before Paul picked him up, he'd had nothing to eat and if they were going out then he'd need at least a little something to line his stomach.

"And how many times have I told you, don't call me, Payno."

"Yes, sir."

"Ugh, Louis, not that either."

Niall's laughter follows him out the door as Liam escapes back to the quiet of his office to file a few things. He pretends not to hear Louis carry on with a bunch of "yes, sir, Mr. Payne, sir," bollocks and picks up his phone, dialling up Paul's number and arranging for a pick up. Paul isn't technically Liam's driver or anything, just a local cabbie that they've gotten to know since their Uni days who took pity on two idiots new to the city and gave them his personal number. He still drives cabs all about London, but always makes time for "his boys." It's nice, really. Another part of Liam's home away from home family. Apart from the look he knows he is bound to get off Paul for going back home so early. At least he has an excuse this time. He'll get a good few hours sleep in before Louis and Niall appear and ensure he comes out. And for the first time in a long time, Liam has something he actually looks forward to.

\- - - -

They don't have to drag him out of the house, persay. It's more along the lines of Liam might have slept through his alarm, and he might have put the chain on the door. By accident of course. It was completely a routine thing to do. Shut the door, turn the lock, put the catch on.

It isn't as if he wants to hide from them. Not that he got a message from his mum on the way home that asked how he was doing. Not that he was scrolling through his Instagram, bored, and found pics that one of he and Dani's mutual friends had posted of Danielle's leg with a bloody garter on it. Not that he remembered how ticklish she was if you rubbed lightly just an inch above where the thing was wrapped around her thigh. Or how she fell out of a tree but told her parents her best mate pushed her and that's why she had a tiny white scar on that knee.

He really didn't mean to lock Louis and Niall out at all.

They get in anyway, Louis being small enough to crawl through Mrs. Saintly's window and do some sort of Spiderman trick to get himself in through Liam's own a floor above. Louis jumps all over Liam who genuinely _had_ gone to sleep under the pretense that if he was unconscious he couldn't really be at fault ignoring their calls and texts. Louis drags him from under the covers with barely a second thought to how Liam may be dressed under his duvet "Oh, Li, it's not like its anything I haven't seen before! We did room together remember and what about that party at Ed's?"

Liam blushes and near runs to the bathroom because he _does_ still remember that night. Louis had been sad and Liam had been drunk and sad and somehow they'd both thought they could fix the sad part by kissing. It didn't. But it had lead to an almost awkward morning after where they'd been just in their pants and lying in the middle of an empty kiddie pool in Ed's backyard. They kissed at other times during Uni and once after - before Louis disappeared to make something of himself in the world of theatre and Liam had tried a few business things before deciding he wanted to start one himself. That was five years ago and then three when Liam caught up with Louis again and Louis introduced him to his dancer mate and then Liam had Danielle to kiss and Louis always had a different someone. 

Still, he dresses in record time with the clothes that Louis leaves out for him. When he walks into the living room, it's to find Niall and Louis already drinking with the good scotch Liam reserves for birthdays and well, nights like these when work has been really, really fucking good. 

"Started without me?" he says, grabbing the tumbler from Louis' hand and downing the lot. They're right to get him out tonight. He knows how unhealthy it is - he is - staying in like he has and pining over something that is so completely lost. 

She's probably married by now. Probably already drunk and doing the bloody chicken dance or got her stupid new husband doing the worm.

He refills his glass and swallows it down again, much to Louis' shock and Niall's laughter.

"Got bored. You'll catch up though by the looks of things mate!" Niall says, pouring himself out another and refilling Liam's once more as he slaps the glass down on the table. 

He's about to pick it up when Louis' hand is faster, the glass gone and Liam frowning a little as Louis tilts his head back, Adam's apple bobbing as he near throws it down his throat. He coughs after and Niall laughs hard again, Liam shaking his head because Louis isn't one for Scotch - more of a vodka tonic lad himself.

"Right boys, Paul will be here in ten and Liam here hasn't even got his shoes on."

Liam can already feel the alcohol starting to warm his belly and chest and he frowns at Louis, looking down at his obviously already covered feet.

"You just can't wear trainers like that with jeans like those. Go put on the ones I left for you and be quick."

Liam rolls his eyes and whispers a "yes, dear," that normally Louis would smack him for but he doesn't and Liam counts it as a win. He's not sure of what he's winning or the score, but he counts it all the same. When he comes back with the newer shoes that Liam didn't even realise he owned, Niall is just headed out the front door. Louis is standing in the hall looking at Liam with his coat already on, lambswool lapels looking soft against the denim they cover. He holds Zayn's jacket out to Liam and Liam tries to take it, only to have Louis pull it back toward himself for a minute.

"We don't have to go," Louis says, and it's the tone Liam knows means Lou is worried about him. He's heard that tone a lot since Dani left. A lot in the past month as the wedding date drew closer and Liam closed in on himself. It’s why he hasn't seen Zayn in a while because Perrie is one of Danielle's bridesmaids and it is just - it's awkward and easier with Zayn just phoning or trying to see Liam on his own. But that's hard, too, because Perrie and Zayn barely have a second to themselves with their jobs sending them around the country so when Zayn _is_ back in London and she is too, they sort of see each other more than anyone else. Liam doesn't want to impinge on that. Not on a love that he knows they share. A love he thought echoed what he had with Danielle. 

Maybe theirs will last a lot longer.

"We can stay in. Niall won't mind, really."

Liam shakes his head. He knows this is a “get out of jail free” card that Louis is tossing him. Knows that Niall really wouldn't mind if he and Louis were to stay in, even now, with Paul probably waiting downstairs. Liam and Louis could curl up on the sofa and watch all of the good Batman movies and he'd probably even convince Lou to watch The Avengers and maybe Thor. He'd probably have it easier convincing Lou to watch the latter. Louis had a thing, even if he wouldn't admit it, for Liam Hemsworth. Fuck, even Liam wouldn't kick Thor out of bed if it came to it. 

"Nah. I'm good. This will be good," Liam says with a smile that hurts a little to form but he does so just to make Louis feel better. To make himself feel better.

God, he really does need this.

"Okay," Louis nods and lets Liam have the jacket. "But first sign of wounded puppy depressive Payno and we are out the door."

Liam doesn't say anything, just follows Louis out and remembers to lock the door.

\- - - -

"I fucking needed this!" he yells into Niall's ear, hours later with a belly full of tequila shots and pints and possibly something with Red Bull that Louis had forced into his hand a while ago.

Niall grins and hugs Liam sloppily from the side of the booth, pushes Liam into the seat and licks his cheek. "Told you so you daft git! We are fucking _celebrating!_ " he yells mostly into Liam's face, hands gripped tight over Liam's cheeks, leaning in so close Liam's fairly certain he got a bit of spittle from all of that on his nose. Liam laughs and laughs and he feels so warm and happy and practically _buzzing_ in his own skin.

Liam can't stop smiling and his head and feet move unconsciously to the beat. He'd been out on the dance floor with Louis and Niall before but Niall's not one for dancing. Not really. Not when he could be sitting and waxing philosophical about things with a pint in one hand, or both. Louis though, Louis was _made_ to move and wasn't short of admirers when they were all out there together. Once Liam had left with Niall, there were at least three fit lads in their places, vying for Louis' attention. Louis gave it. In small doses. He'd dance with one for a bit, arms wound around their shoulders, another for a bit more, gorgeous curvy bum grinding back into their crotch. Louis would have them all wound up and ready to go and move onto the next person with a pretty smile, or nice hair, or gorgeous eyes or whatever it was that he decided would be worthy of being his partner on the floor. 

He looks out across the floor and finds Louis. He's not dancing with anyone at the moment, just lost in the music with his hands above his head, one cradling a half empty glass of vodka tonic, the other with that finger of his pointing in the air. Just like he always does when he's drunk. He looks so happy, small smile gracing his face and eyes closed, moving like he doesn't have a care in the world. Liam's chest tightens for a second and he recognises jealousy when he feels it. He wants that. Wants to feel as happy as Louis looks again. Wants to feel like everything will be okay, everything won't _hurt_. He wants to feel good again and well, tonight might just be the start of that. Or it could be the alcohol. . . .

"Need to piss like a racehorse, mate. Shove over will ya?" Niall says, poking Liam in the ribs and Liam pulls his gaze from Louis and sends a smile to Niall, shifting out of the booth. Niall tumbles out after him, his laugh so loud Liam can hear it over the music and he bumps into Liam, sending them both on a bit of a spin. Liam apologises to the girl they bump into and her stare of hate turns soft when he gives her a smile that Louis always says that _no one_ can say no to. Maybe he didn't use it on Danielle enough. Or maybe he did and its supposed powers wore off. Or maybe she never got it. Well, she has someone else to share smiles with now.

Liam shakes it off. Doesn't want to be thinking about her anymore. Not now. Not when he's celebrating the fact they're holding a charity golf tournament in less than two months. This is going to be the last time in a long while that he, Louis, and maybe Niall - though he is never one to turn down a pint - have the opportunity to get this drunk and have this amount of fun. The paperwork to get the whole thing in place alone is going to be murder. He turns when he feels Niall tugging on his shoulder.

"Think you can get us a refill while I'm gone?" Niall asks, hand cupped to Liam's ear and Liam leaning in to hear. He nods and says "yes" even though he knows Niall can't hear it in the crowd. 

He follows Niall through the press of bodies, limbs loose and half a smile on his face because _everything_ is just so lovely. Or Vodka is lovely. Maybe both. He loses sight of Niall once he gets to the crowd at the bar. It's about three deep to even get anywhere near buying a drink so he waits and sways to the music a bit. Liam's not the best of dancers, but he likes to move and is a lot less self conscious about the shake of his hips and how he is supposed to move his arms without looking like an utter tool when he's had a few. There's a pretty girl with brown hair and dark eyes that keeps looking at him when he scans the bar every few minutes, looking for somewhere to move in closer. It's not like he's in a rush. The loos are have notoriously long lines here - even the mens - so he knows Niall will be a while, and by the near snail like pace of drinks being served tonight, he'll be about the same. 

The lights change from green to blue and Liam blinks, losing Louis for a second only to find him once more, right in front of Liam. The strobes are making Louis’ eyes sparkle more than normal and Liam finds himself wanting Louis to be near. But then some boy with dark hair and a tight white shirt that clings to his body shows up and Louis drapes himself around him and well - maybe Louis' doing fine without Liam right now. 

"That your boy out there?" 

Liam turns to the voice at his side, the girl from before with the curls and too much lip gloss is beside him, smiling in what he thinks is supposed to be a coy manner if the way she dips her lashes so she has to look up through them is anything to go by. Liam chuckles and shakes his head.

"Sort of. He's my best mate," he says with a shrug and she smiles wider, white teeth on show and Liam just _knows_ where this is going. He might not have dated for a long while - and not that much before Danielle was a thing - but he knows when someone is interested. Usually it takes him a while, but this bird already has her hand on his arm and her red nails pressing in enough that Liam feels a little like a mouse and she the cat with her claws already digging in.

"I mean, yeah, he's mine," Liam says in a way that he hopes doesn't sound like he's just making stuff up on the spot because he really isn't keen on having this girl around. He probably should be - a get over it shag or whatever but Danielle's been gone a year and he's not done anything like that yet and tonight isn't supposed to be about that. He's not come out to pull or just fuck away any of the feelings he has or had for Dani left. Tonight is supposed to be about him and Lou and Niall and their success. So if he has to lie about just who Louis is to him, well, that's not that bad. Louis is lovely and Liam does love him - who couldn't?

"Oh," she says, her grip easing up but she's tilting her head and staring at him with a little more of a calculating look. Maybe his words aren't enough. "Maybe you should go out and remind him of that, babe, he's looking right cozy with that fit lad out there," she nods at the dance floor and Liam turns and she's right. Louis' got his head nestled in this lads neck and the other bloke has his hands wrapped around Louis little waist, fingertips making a show of sliding down and squeezing Lou's pert bum every once in a while. 

There's this twist to Liam's gut and his hands are fists at his side and it doesn't make sense. He'd really like to go over there and tell the other lad off for groping Louis on the dancefloor but Louis looks like he's into it so it's probably a bad idea. It's probably not an idea Liam should even be entertaining. Louis isn't his - no matter what lie he told that girl - and Louis is. Louis isn't his and Louis doesn't need protecting or saving because he isn't into Louis like that. Was, maybe, a little bit, a long, _long_ time ago but that never really happened and it was probably stupid at best because they're mates. Great mates.

"There ya are babe! Been looking for you everywhere, already got us drinks," Niall's voice is loud as he wraps an arm around Liam's neck and places a wet kiss to his cheek. Liam manages not to squawk too much because the girl's hand is gone from his arm and she's looking confused enough for the both of them. 

"Come on love, let's go get our boy and get drunk," Niall pulls Liam in close, kisses his cheek and jaw and what the hell is he doing?

"Alright," Liam says and he can feel his face heating up as he waves goodbye to the girl, Niall grabbing his hand and leading him through the crowd to where Louis is. Niall has a quick word in Louis' ear and then Louis unwinds himself from the lad he's been dancing with and they're moving again. They get back to their little booth and Niall squeezes himself in beside this girl, gets her and her two mates to move over and quickly introduces them all. Liam smiles good naturedly - these girls look more interested in what Niall has to say, rather than any part of Liam, if the quick hello's and their eyes returning to Niall are anything to go by. It's not unusual. Niall has a way with the ladies - with everyone really. He's just - nice.

"Just had to save Liam here from a She-Beast," Niall laughs and Liam feels his face redden, Louis leaning in close beside him to hear Niall better. Liam puts his arm around the back of Louis, pulling him in because the booth isn't _that_ big and there's six of them in there now. Louis gives him a quick smile that crinkles up at the corner of his eyes and Liam wonders if it's just the lighting or if they're usually this - sparkly. Christ, he's drunk. So drunk. Especially if he's equating Louis' eyes to the word "sparkly."

"I wouldn't say that she was anything that bad," Liam starts, but Niall's laughing and cutting him off in an instant.

"She was all over you mate!"

"It wasn't like that. She was nice, actually."

"Liam. Liam, Liam, Liam. I bet if you looked on your arm right now you'd _still_ be able to find her claw marks!"

Louis grabs at Liam's arm where he'd just set his drink down and pulls it toward the light. 

He drags his arm back, but Louis isn't having any of it and keeps trying to get Liam to shift so he can get a look. There's a bit of a scuffle until Liam just joins their hands together much to Niall's amusement and Louis' whine of annoyance beside him. He doesn't let Louis go though, once he stills.

"Mate, she had that crazy look in her eye - you know the one that screams she probably would take you home and tie you up for days kind of psycho stare," He makes this face with his eyes all wide and yeah - it's comical but Liam does sort of recognise a little of what Niall's doing as what he saw on the girl's own face before. 

Liam huffs. It's not like he minds Niall taking the piss or whatever it is he thinks he's doing but Liam _can_ handle himself. The next words that leave his mouth he doesn't actually think much of, until after he says them.

"Maybe I want to be tied up." 

Louis spits his drink all over the table and Liam pats his back which for some reason makes Niall laugh harder than he was two seconds before.

"Jesus, Li, you can't just _say_ things like that!" Louis says when he finally finishes coughing. His voice is all raspy and Liam feels slightly bad that he was the likely cause of that.

Liam shrugs, "I had it all under control. She thought I was with Louis and that he was trying to make me jealous or summat. I just sort of let her think that I was. . . ." he leads off and he can feel Louis tense up under where his palm is still flat against the small of Louis' back. Louis' got a tight black shirt on which means Liam can feel the muscles there tighten and how Louis moves incrementally out of Liam's touch. He feels stupid as soon as Louis lets his hand go and shifts further to the side, away from Liam. There's a tug of something in Liam's chest, a niggle that's been around a little while tonight that he just can't put a finger on what exactly it is or has to do with. But he's had too much to drink to really figure it out. Still, it isn't nice to have Louis pull away like he does, scooting out of the booth with a wave and a quickly muttered something about getting a new drink which Liam feels even worse about because it's his fault Louis lost the last one all over the table.

"I didn't mean. I wasn't. Should I go after him?" he says to Niall who is gazing at Liam with something that's a cross between fond and exasperated at the same time. Liam doesn't understand it but he's not really getting a lot of what's going on tonight so he doesn't ask.

"Nah, leave him, Li. You'll both work it out eventually," he says in return rather cryptically before starting in on a new conversation with the girls he's sat beside. Something to do with what he can do with a putter and a marble and Liam tunes it out because he's heard it all before.

\- - - -

It's an hour or so later and Niall's disappeared with the girls into the mass of bodies grinding away on the dancefloor. Liam left the booth to go with them but sort of got lost in the fray and ended up against a wall not too long after. He doesn't mind. It's nice just sipping his drink and watching the mating rituals of people his age and younger that he probably should be involved in. He probably should be looking for someone to dance with. Someone to move against, grind up on and then take home and fuck into his mattress. 

He can't though. 

It's not as if he doesn't want to. He's got a libido thank you very much, but he just doesn't _want_ it. He's never been one for one night stands or casual fucks. He's never found himself wanting to. Doing something like that with just anyone isn't Liam's style. He has to know them first, know more than just a name or a phone number. Even at Uni when he'd experimented it was always with mates. With Harry in their first year, when Harry was doing exactly the same thing, and after a few drinks it sounded like a good idea to wank each other off just to see what it would feel like. It wasn't that weird - wasn't that wonderful, either - possibly because they'd known each other forever having grown up next door to one another. Then there was Dan who played guitar in Harry's band and Dan who introduced Liam to blow jobs and fingering and well - Liam liked it but then he also liked it when Jade did the same thing to him when he was in second year so that wasn't much of an answer to anything. Then Louis. Louis who he was stuck with in first year, and who he moved out with in second. Louis who had a string of boyfriends or boys he liked to get off with from the moment Liam met him, right up until they were both single going into their final year. 

At the time, it had seemed like a good idea. They snogged at a few parties and it was nothing. Louis went on dating a little and Liam was too busy studying to do anything _like_ contemplating a date. The most interaction he had with anyone that weren't his few good mates, was the lad who let him in after hours at the library, and the girl who knew his coffee order and routine so well she had his order ready for him the moment he walked in the door. Then Ed's end of year party happened and he and Louis had gone together - they'd both been invited. Way too much alcohol and a little weed and possibly Liam's pent up sexual tension from _months_ of nothing more than a quick wank in the shower, and, well. The kiddie pool had more than just Malibu and vodka to stick to its blue lining. 

It wasn't supposed to change anything between them. It wasn't meant to be anything more than what it was. But they grew apart and then Uni was over and Louis just dropped it on Liam one Sunday morning that he was leaving Manchester to head to London and a little gig just off the West End. They talked less and less until it was barely a text or tag in Facebook and near silence at the end there. Then it was three years later and Liam was walking into some coffee shop, a little shell shocked because he'd finally had a bank manager agree to give him start up funds for his fledgling management firm. He wasn't really looking where he was going and ended up walking straight into Louis as he opened the door. They talked for hours about everything and anything and then it was Louis saying he was between parts and Liam saying he was worried about fucking up with the money and Louis reminding him he actually _did_ get a degree in finance and that was the end of that really. Louis jumped on board as Liam's assistant and then when they signed Niall they had a party and Louis introduced Liam to Danielle and life went on.

Louis became this fixture in Liam's life again and he loved it. They had dinner parties and Louis came. He had lads’ nights with Lou and Harry and Zayn when they were around and he and Lou had their regular Wednesday afternoons out of the office and reconnecting back at that little coffee shop. They'd turn their phones off and just sit and chat about everything unrelated to work and make time for just being _there_ for each other. Liam often wondered why they'd let their friendship go after Uni - but he was ever so glad to have it back. To have Louis back.

Louis was the first one he called after finding Danielle had gone. He stayed with Liam for a week and just let him cry or watch stupid movies that he knew Louis hated. He'd curl up around Liam in the spare room at night because Liam couldn't handle going back to the bed he'd shared with Danielle on his own. He was the one to help Liam get rid of the last of Danielle's things. Ordered a new bed and had the old one taken away. Louis picked the paint and furnishings that went into Liam's new bedroom - the rooms were basically the same size and the spare room had a better view of the garden if anyone asked _why_ Liam changed where the master was. Louis somehow took control of more than just Liam's work life and it worked. It made everything easier and even on the days when Liam didn't want to get out of bed (or that week he didn't move from his sofa after hearing from Zayn that Danielle was getting _married_ of all things), Louis was the only one that could get Liam going again. 

He really should tell him that. Let him know how much he means to Liam. That Liam loves him a whole lot because he really is wonderful. Amazing, even.

Liam finishes his drink and looks out into the crowd, blinks because everything is feeling slow inside but the lights are bright and people are _moving_ a lot. It takes a few minutes but he finally finds Louis, he's not alone, not that Liam would expect him to be. He's dancing with that smile again and he's facing Liam, the other lad behind him with his hand low on Louis' tummy. Lou is leaning back into this blokes arms and Liam feels like someone is squeezing his heart inside his chest. It's ridiculous and maybe it was the Red Bull. He's had two of whatever those concoctions are now and Red Bull is supposed to give you a heart attack or something isn't it if you have too much? At least Liam thinks it's something like that. He's fairly certain Harry told him that story - then again Harry's stories always last a forever and are filled with useful, and sometimes meaningless information, so Liam could be wrong.

Louis opens his eyes after two new songs play through and Liam watches as he scans the floor, eventually spotting Liam and Liam knows this because of the grin that breaks across Louis' face. Liam knows that grin as the one Louis gives him when he thinks Liam isn't aware. Just like the one he knows himself to give when Louis does something endearing and he just can't find the right words without the possibility of making Louis' head grow with compliments.

Louis shrugs out of the other man's touch, makes his way slow through the crowd until he's right in front of Liam.

"Babe, what are you doing over here on your own?" he asks, wiping a hand through his hair which has fallen from the artfully created "mess" he'd had it in when they arrived. His fringe is sticky with sweat to his forehead and he looks like the Louis Liam remembers from Saturdays playing five a side with some of the lads from Liam's English Lit class he took in first year.

"Drinking," Liam answers, holding up his empty glass and nodding to the three - no - four that he's stacked up on the little table beside him. 

Louis laughs and falls forward, Liam putting his hand out to stop Louis crashing into the wall. Louis snorts and ends up holding onto Liam, laughing into his neck. 

Liam pats Louis on the back with his free hand, and leans into Louis' touch. It's nice, having Louis this close and Louis smells a bit rank with smoke that he's obviously nicked outside to have and booze that's been spilt on him and sweat but - he still smells a bit like the Louis Liam knows and loves. 

"You are drunk, Lou," he says, snuggling a little into Louis because its late - or early depending on how you look at it and Liam can't rightly feel his toes. Maybe his feet just ran off with them.

"No, just my regular klutzy self," Louis says with a pout, pulling out of Liam's arms enough that Liam can see that Louis actually _did_ put on some eyeliner tonight. A product of Zayn's possibly - he was always at them both to "stretch your metrosexual legs lads!" Or whatever wanky line he'd give them so they'd wear his makeup and he didn't have to pay a model to do it before someone snapped their face up close. The black rim surrounding Lou's eyes does look good, though. It's probably why Liam can't stop staring into his eyes, smiling so much it hurts because Louis has _such_ pretty eyes without makeup that with, makes them look bigger and brighter and just. Pretty.

"Pretty eyes. You've always had pretty eyes, Lou," Liam says with a sigh and Louis snorts. His grip is firm on Liam's arm, like an anchor keeping him grounded when all he really wants to do is float away. Float away on pretty eyes and floppy fringes and tight shirts over curves that aren't a lady’s. 

" _You,_ are far drunkerer than I, sir," Louis says, poking at Liam's chest with his finger and Liam grabs at it with his free hand, squeezing tight.

"One, drunkerer is not a word and two, stop calling me sir!"

Louis bites at his lip and snorts again which has Liam doing the same thing and then they're giggling like it's the funniest thing ever to sound like wheezing piglets. Piglets. Louis always said Liam had a cute piggy nose. Liam still thinks he's blind and a terrible liar. Liam's got a huge honker. Louis however, he's got a little button of a thing and it's adorable. Perfect for bopping. He should do it now, but that would mean letting go of Louis and that's not an option. Not right now.

Liam shakes his head after a bit, they're still standing there with Liam holding Louis' finger and Louis' gripping Liam's arm. He takes a deep breath and steadies himself against the wall.

"I think it's time for me to head home. The wall isn't half as comfy as my bed to fall asleep on," he blinks lazily and widens his eyes a few times because he really does feel a little _too_ relaxed. Liam's not had this much to drink in a while and with the little that he'd eaten earlier in the day - it's all truly going to his head.

"We're not leaving yet. Not until you've danced with me, Payno!" 

Liam laughs and leans his forehead against Louis'. God, they are both just _so drunk_. 

"Don't call me Payno, either, and I'll consider it."

Louis goes cross eyed and Liam laughs harder, "Alright _Liam_ ," Louis says, dragging out the vowels in Liam's name making it ridiculously long. "Come dance with me," he leans in close for the last half and it's probably just the alcohol that has Liam shivering. Nothing to do with how close Louis' lips were to his ear. How he might have mistaken that extra warmth on his jaw as Louis' tongue.

Louis slides his hand down Liam's arm, twisting their fingers together and Liam does the same with where he had a hold on Louis. Louis swings their hands together and grins up at Liam. 

"Please?" he asks and he grabs at Liam's hand and drags him from the side where Liam had been perfectly happy to wait out Louis' and Niall's celebrations in the shadows and onto the dance floor. 

Even at this hour, the bar is packed and when Louis stops - it’s sudden and Liam is pressed up against him close. He can feel the heat from Louis body - whether imagined or not - and it sparks something low in his gut but he doesn't dwell on it. Louis is already turning around, winding his arms around Liam's neck and grinning up at him, head thrown back and eyes closed, swaying them both to the beat of the song. Liam stands there for a second, hands limp at his sides until a little line forms between Louis brow and he's moving his hands slow down to grasp at Liam's places them on his hips and then wraps his arms around Liam's neck once more. Liam takes the hint, holds on a little tighter after someone beside them gets a little pushy and he doesn't want Louis to fall is all. That's why he tightens his grip and maybe pulls Louis a little closer. Louis' lips twitch in response but he says nothing, eyes shut tight as Liam moves them both to the loud bass that he can feel echoing through his body, rattling round his chest and shaking all the hurt and anger from his bones.

It feels good.

"What?" Louis says and Liam has to blink, didn't realise that he'd let his own eyes drift closed or the fact that Louis had his head on Liam's shoulder. He's close enough that he would have heard Liam speak and Liam isn't sure that he did so he just shakes his head and licks at his lips, tart lemon from the shots they'd had at some stage still staining his skin, tingling on his tongue. 

"I know," Louis whispers or says close enough to Liam's ear that he can feel the words whisper over his skin, cool breath over his heated skin.

They don't say anything more for a while. Just dance close until Liam shifts his leg a bit and Louis twists and then they're sort of tangled up. Louis is pressed right up against Liam's body - head resting on Liam's chest, fingertips toying with the damp curls at the nape of his neck. Liam's hands sit low on Louis' hips. God, Louis is so tiny - Liam could fit one hand alone to the small of his back. As it is, Liam unconsciously lets his hands drift south, thumbs hooking under Louis' belt loops as his fingers roam lazily over the swell of Louis' bum that looks amazing in the near skin tight jeans he's wearing. Louis feels all soft and pliant in his arms, looks absolutely _fit_ and Liam might smile a little smugly when he gets some looks from other lads around them - and birds, too. 

Liam might hold Louis a bit tighter. Might make a show of grinding up against him a little - but that's just the music's fault. Who can't move their body like that when the DJ plays some mix of Ellie Goulding's song that drives Liam insane on a normal day but tonight it's perfect. Maybe it's the slight change in the tune or maybe it's the fact the DJ has basically sped up the dolphin noise part or maybe it's the way Louis just _fits_ in his arms.

This is possibly a bad idea. He's never been that good at dancing, and just holding Louis the way he is, with Louis between his legs and their hips moving the way they are, it's really a bad idea. Not great when Louis is . . . well, _Louis_ and Liam is still getting over Dani and Louis _works_ for Liam but he's never wanted to just press up a little more. Tilt his head down and maybe run his hand up Louis back, feel the knobs of bone that make up his spine and grip his neck enough that Louis would shift and look up and then maybe they'd kiss.

Totally bad idea.

"Li," Louis says and Liam loses the beat for a moment as Louis blinks a little slow, big blue eyes looking up at him. "Getting tired, take me home?"

"Sure," Liam says because it's Louis and Louis does all these things for him, taking Louis home isn't that much of a hardship. Liam's pretty well had his fill of being out anyway. 

Louis takes his hand and Liam leads them out to the front, sending a text to Niall and one to Paul while they wait at coat check. He tries to ignore how Louis is like an octopus with his limbs wrapped around Liam, nuzzling his face into Liam's side like he wants to burrow in. Liam just holds him and wishes he hadn't have had as much as he did himself because he kind of likes how well Louis fits against him. Kind of likes how handsy Louis is and he pushes aside the question if Louis was sober, would he be doing the same thing?

Liam doesn't want that answer. Just gets them their coats and shoves Louis into his before throwing on his own as they head out to wait for Paul to come pick them up.

\- - - - 

He probably should have taken Louis back to his own house. Definitely shouldn't have agreed to getting out the vodka Louis had originally brought with him as a night cap. But it seemed like a good idea at the time. Iron Man also felt like a good movie to watch as Louis curled up beside Liam on the sofa, claiming he was cold and well - he probably was. Liam always ran a bit hotter than most people and even when they shared a room at uni and later their flat, Louis always clung to Liam's side in winter. It was fine. They gave up on playing some shot game along with the movie once Liam had to have four in a row and just passed the bottle between them. 

They get through Iron Man and Liam puts the sequel on - much to Louis whining about it being the _same as we've already seen, Li!_. He doesn't really make Liam change it so Liam figures Louis really _is_ tired or he's really, _really_ drunk. It could be either. Most likely both. 

Louis snuggles up a little closer around ten minutes into the next film. Liam's got his arm wrapped around Louis shoulders, elbow bent in a way that he can still comb his fingers through Louis hair and it's nice. Louis' this heavy weight on his side and Louis giggling at little things that come up and making snarky commentary otherwise. It's nice. It's really lovely and when realises he's stopped playing with Louis' hair and started drawing patterns on the bare skin of his upper arm - he thinks it might not be just a "nice thing."

"Why'd you bring me back here?" Louis asks, so soft Liam hums in the laziest way to get Louis to repeat his question, leans in a little closer to Louis ear to hear it proper.

"Here, why'd you bring me here when I asked you to take me home?" Louis twists a bit in Liam's arms so his head is now up high on Liam's shoulder and Liam has nowhere else to look but down at Louis.

He shrugs, because he'd thought about it himself. He could have sent Louis home with Paul to Louis' own flat. Paul knew the way and would probably have taken Louis up and settled him into bed before returning to his job. Yet when Paul asked him where to, he just said home and when Paul stopped the car he'd tugged Louis out after him and well. Maybe he wasn't ready to let go of Louis yet. 

"Sorry," he starts, brow furrowing, "Guess I just said home because that's where you wanted to go, and, well, this _is_ my home."

Louis blinks and Liam thinks he could count every single lash that curves over his cheek when he does that, but he doesn't. That might be a little weird in the middle of a conversation. 

"But this isn't my home. This is yours," Louis says and Liam nods. It feels like things are taking a turn toward Serious Discussion and Liam is far too drunk for that. He can barely feel his limbs anymore - let alone his feet where he's still pretty sure they ran away with his toes. 

"It's like that song, innit? Home is wherever I'm with you," he grins and Louis's stare softens and there's pink on his cheeks and he is just _so adorable_ right now and Liam generally reserves that term for babies and cute children but Louis _is_ adorable with his little blush and his boppable nose and the way he's smiling all soft and sweet at Liam, creases forming in the corner of his eyes and Liam can't help himself. 

He bops Louis on the round tip of his nose.

Louis' mouth drops open and Liam's eyes widen because he can _not_ believe he just did that. Sure, they are good mates and they sleep on each other sometimes, and Louis has dragged an ever so sad Liam out of bed and thrown him in the bath, but. This just felt. . . different?

"Did you just bop me on the nose?" Louis asks, the movie playing on in the background and Liam's seen it a thousand times so he doesn't really need to pay attention. Louis however, Louis hasn't looked at him like this in. . . well, not lately that's for sure. 

"Maybe?" Liam says and he feels awkward right now. He's got Louis sprawled all over him and Liam's gone and done something so childish, Louis' will never let him live it down.

Before he knows it though, Louis hand is up and there's a blur in front of his face and a distinct fingertip presses down on his nose lightly.

"Bop," Louis says and Liam stares back as Louis' face lights up and then they're laughing like it's the funniest thing in the world. Louis is about to get him again when Liam grabs at his finger, holds it tight in his hand as Louis shakes with laughter atop him. And God, it feels good. It feels amazing to laugh properly like this after a year of never feeling like he'd even _smile_ again and now he's laughing so hard he's wheezing. Louis' doing that quiet, raspy chuckle that makes him sound like that little dog in the old WB cartoons, Mutley or something. They'll nearly stop and then Louis or Liam says "Bop" and they're set off again. 

Eventually, the laughter dies and their breathing slows and Louis is just. . . right there. Louis is looking at him with those big blue eyes of his and there’s that little crinkle around the edges that he gets when he _really_ smiles and Liam can’t help but smile back. 

Louis sort of breathy chuckles once more, pushes up with one hand high up on Liam's thigh. He's so close the tip of his nose just brushes Liam’s and it’s enough to make Liam’s stomach clench and his heart race because yes, Louis is handsy and in your face and they’ve been like this before, but this is different. This is different because they’re both sort of drunk - well Liam knows he’s not entirely sober - the bottle of vodka sits more than half empty on the coffee table, but Louis had been drinking more than Li at the bar. Liam licks his lips because he can taste Louis breath on his tongue, the tart lemon of the shots they’d had to start the night and the smoke he knows Louis had out on the back stair between movies, and it’s making things hazy. That’s what Liam tells himself as he near goes cross eyed trying to watch Louis finger as his hand nears Li’s mouth.

"Missed that smile," Louis says, everything going quiet between them. “That’s what I want to see,” he says, voice soft but sort of tense at the same time, his thumb just brushing the corner of Liam’s mouth and Liam feels like his lungs are going to burst because he just can’t _breathe_ with Louis doing this. 

Liam’s eyes flick up to Louis’ who is just staring with this intensity at where he’s touching Liam and Louis gasps, because Liam _has_ to lick his lip because it’s so dry and he catches Louis’ skin, too. God he can taste it, he can taste Louis’ skin on his thumb and it’s sweet and bitter at the same time and a little like the lemon rinds he knows Louis chews on from his drinks at the bar. Louis eyes darken, pupils blow out and the blue becomes this tight ring around them, especially when Liam darts his tongue out to do it again.

Now there could have been a point for it to stop there, for them both to pull back and laugh and Louis to lick Liam's cheek in return and they could have gone on, forgotten that it happened. Louis could have shoved him off the sofa and called him a perv and they could have called it a night. But when Liam closes his mouth around Louis thumb, when Lou presses down for a fraction of a second and Liam finds himself sucking a little - there really is no going back from that.

Louis sits up further on his knees, and Liam knows this because Louis’ thumb pushes deeper into his mouth, heavy on his tongue, and Liam hums something he can’t find the words to say. Then again, talking right now while his mouth is full isn’t exactly going to be easy.

Christ, he’s sucking on _Louis’ thumb_.

Liam’s insides feel like they're experiencing this fizzing pop crazy buzz because he has no idea what he’s doing only that Louis tastes nice and Louis has his forehead pressed to Liam’s now and he’s making these strange humming noises of his own. Liam presses his teeth down, just a little and Louis moans and Liam feels his pants tighten around the crotch. He’s never done this before - well he _has_ had a boys fingers/body parts in his mouth at one time or another because he _did_ experiment at Uni, even with Louis - but nothing like this. Nothing that felt so intimate, so electrically charged like this is. Liam’s breath is coming out harsh through his nostrils and Louis is licking at his own lips as they just sit there and sit there. Liam’s fists are going to break through the material on the sofa at this rate with how _tight_ he’s gripping the cushions on either side of him. 

Louis pulls his thumb out slow from Liam’s mouth, rubs the now wet pad over Liam’s bottom lip and pulls down, releasing the plush skin with this ridiculous pop. He smears Liam’s saliva up Liam's cheek, fingertips following Liam’s jaw until he’s cupping Liam’s face and leaning in even closer. There's this tiny amount of space between them - barely room to breathe - and Liam want’s to blink, to look away, but he can’t because Louis isn’t either. 

He’s always appreciated Louis eyes, thought of a million different words for just how _blue_ they are - but none come to mind now when they are this close and Liam is too busy hoping that if he keeps staring at Louis whatever this is/was won’t become weird. He needs Louis, needs this best friend that has grown from being what Liam had thought was an annoying idiot in the beginning to this strong, steadfast mate that Liam can’t imagine being without. He needs Louis right now because his heart has been broken for so long and this feels like it's putting back together some of the pieces.

“Li,” is all Louis croaks out, like it hurts him to speak and it’s not even a real word but Liam takes it and holds it in his chest as Louis’ lashes flutter and then he’s even closer and Liam swallows hard.

“Yeah,” is all he manages and Louis opens his eyes wider if it were possible just as their lips meet and it’s not even like they’re touching really. Just the heat of warm skin above warm skin and Louis repeats his name or makes a sound and then they are kissing and. . . .

It’s kind of wonderful really. 

Louis sits up further, throwing a leg over Liam's thighs and their kiss gets even better when Louis tilts his head a little and fits their mouths together. There's no tongue, no sense of urgency or need just this beautiful sweet, soft kiss and Liam likes it. Likes it a lot. Louis' hands find their way to Liam's shoulders and they sit there, light, while Liam strokes his own hands over the thick muscle that makes up Louis' thighs. They feel so good under his palms, even through the denim and Louis makes this _noise_ when Liam tightens his grip which Louis echoes on Liam's shoulders. His mouth opens then, and Louis tongue slides in and if Liam thought the smooth movements they had together before was lovely - it has _nothing_ on Louis and his tongue in Liam's mouth. It reminds Liam of all the times they'd snogged in Uni. It's as if Louis hasn't forgotten how Liam likes to be kissed best. He's all soft licks and nips on Liam's bottom lip - drawing the puffy skin out between his teeth and letting it go with a little pop before delving back in. 

He does it again and Liam's grip tightens on Louis' thighs, pulls him in a little and _oh._

Liam had been trying to ignore how hard he was getting in his pants but with this new evidence of just how turned on Louis is at his hip, maybe he doesn't have to. Louis pulls back when Liam tries to swallow a moan at just the _feel_ of Louis, Lou's hands slide up over Liam's shoulders and cup his face, thumbs brushing soft over the round of Liam's cheeks. 

He looks into Liam's eyes and Liam looks back. He feels like he's being assessed or something and he waits for Louis to pull completely away or ask him something but nothing happens. Then Louis is kissing him harder and he's working his hips in a little circle above Liam and _fuck_. This is probably a really bad idea. Liam figures it's something to worry about later. There's a Louis on his lap and Liam's dick really is enjoying the friction nearly as much as Liam is just enjoying _kissing_ Louis, that's enough to process for now. 

"Liam," Louis says, and Liam doesn't think he's ever heard Louis say his name like this before. Full of want and need that is echoed in the way he's trailing his hands up and over Liam's shoulders and down, squeezing on the tight muscle that makes up his upper arms. 

"What are we doing, Lou?" Liam asks in a rare moment of lucidity. Or stupidity, if Louis suddenly stops.

"I don't know," Louis says, leaning in and capturing Liam's lips between his own and Louis moves in a way that has Liam's dick rubbing against the zip of his fly and that _hurts_ in the best of ways. 

He doesn't want to think anymore after that. He starts tugging at Louis' shirt on his back, pulling it up and up until Louis has to let go of Liam to tug it from his back. Liam gets all of a second to press his lips to the words that curl their way over Louis' chest before Louis is struggling with Liam's polo, having to stop once so Liam can undo the three buttons that he'd had done up to his neck. They giggle again once Louis finally gets it off. Louis pauses to use his thumb to trace Liam's lips like he did at the begining of whatever this is, make the shape of Liam's smile and then they're kissing once more. Louis is running his hands all over Liam's stomach and chest, like he's trying to memorise every cut and curve and dip to memory. Liam's nearly as bad, thumb pressing slow over every knob in Louis spine that he can feel as Louis leans over him, arching up into Liam's touch. 

Liam keeps his arms wrapped loose around Louis, content to let his palms slide up and down in a slow circuit that maps the way Louis' body moves underneath them. Louis keeps touching Liam all over, a thumb at his nipple, a blunt fingernail at the cut of his hip, skittering fingertips at his neck, feeling Liam's pulse. With every touch Liam only wants more, his hips pulsing up into where Louis is just _sitting_ there now - content with just kissing Liam and exploring his skin. He can feel his blood pumping faster around his body, hear it the white noise of his ears as it rushes through and _god_ does he want more.

"Lou, Louis," he tries again, as Louis' lips leave his only to trail hot and wet along his jaw and neck, pausing after a moment and then, "Jesus, _fuck_ ," Liam's cursing because he _knows_ Louis is sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin that surrounds his birthmark. 

"Shh, Li. Just. Just need to," Louis says with this rasp to his tone, lips not really leaving Liam skin as he speaks, more breathes the words right there into Liam's neck. He sucks and tugs at the skin there for so long, Liam knows it's going to bruise, going to be tender to the touch and maybe even when Liam just _tilts_ his head he'll feel it. The thing is, Liam's birthmark has always been this point of arousal for him - it was Louis that figured that particular point out at Ed's party. It's why Liam ended up giving Louis a slow, drunken handy because Louis had made Liam come in his pants from just grinding against him, teeth and mouth never leaving the faint brown mark at Liam's neck until he was shuddering with need. 

It's the same now. Liam's rocking up against Louis' body and Louis is sat there content to worry away at Liam's throat and it's not fair. He's near hurting from how tight his jeans are and he can't imagine that Louis is much better - he did have a tighter fit after all. Liam remembers that he does actually have hands to work with here, that they don't just need to lay idle on the warmth of Louis' back. While Louis is busy giving Liam what is sure to be one hell of a bruise when he's finished, Liam fits his hands between them, fingers shaking a little as he works Louis' button and flies undone. He's sure Louis will notice. Thinks that maybe Louis will stop him - maybe kissing is all that Louis wants but Liam - Liam wants more. 

He's hard and Louis' hard and they probably should discuss this. There's a _million_ reasons why this is a bad idea - fucking your best mate never really works out in the long run. But there's a million reasons why they should. Reasons that Liam gave up on long ago. Back when he and Louis were young and Liam thought the way he felt about Louis was just something that happened when you lived with a really fit lad who you sometimes snogged. That the fact he _liked_ snogging Louis was because Louis was really good at it and they were already great mates so it was only right, really, that he liked Louis more than he should. 

Then Louis left and everything sort of faded between them and then when Louis reappeared he set Liam up so, it's not as if Liam had time to think about Louis like this again. But he is now. He's got Louis' pants undone and he can feel the heat from Louis' body as he slips one hand inside. He grips Louis hip with the other, brushes his thumb over Louis hip bone and has to bite back a moan when what he does makes Louis bite at Liam's neck a little harder. 

"Bloody vampire you are," he says through a ragged breath and Louis pulls back with a grin.

"I can feel how much you like it," Louis returns, rocking into Liam's touch so Liam's knuckles rock back against where he's so hard he can feel the zipper pressing into his flesh. 

"Yeah," Liam gasps before Louis' is kissing him again, murmuring something against Liam's lips but Liam's too busy slipping his hand inside Louis' pants and wrapping his fingers around Louis' cock. 

Louis rocks up into Liam's touch, and Liam's fingers press hard into Lou's hip, he's going to leave his own marks on Louis tonight. It's only fair. Louis is wet, leaking at the tip already and Liam wonders for a second how long Louis' wanted this. If it's just a thing tonight because they're drunk or if it's more of how good it is that they got their deal today or. Or. . .

He pulls back, turns his head from Louis lips and takes his hand from Louis pants.

"Li," Louis says, following where Liam's turned but Liam just tilts his head down. He feels sick now. All the heat from what he and Louis were creating has turned cold with just the thought. Just the possibility that. . . .

"Liam. Liam what is it? Do you not. . . did I do something wrong?" Louis asks and his hands are at Liam's shoulders, barely touching him just resting there. He's so hesitant now compared to how he was before.

"Liam. Can you. Can you look at me, please?" Louis shuffles back a bit, creating more space between them and Liam feels it in his chest. The space. The thought that Louis might be doing this just. Just as. . . .

"Tell me why we're doing this. Tell me why you're doing this?" he says, staring at the red stain on one of the cushions beside him from where Danielle spilt her wine one night. She was snarking at him about having to watch Batman Begins before they went to the midnight showing of Dark Knight and he'd bumped her forgetting that she had the glass in her hand. She'd swore and started hitting him and then they'd rolled off the couch and well - they didn't watch Batman Begins that night. They barely made it to the theatre before the previews ended.

"What do you mean? I thought you wanted to. Your hand was the one down my pants, Liam," Louis says, sliding back so he's sitting on Liam's knees, his hands now forgotten at his side.

Liam doesn't look up. Can't look up and see pity or whatever the real truth will be in Louis' gaze. "I did. But, that's when I thought, when I imagined that it was something else."

Louis is quiet and Liam can hear how loud his own breathing is now that they're saying nothing. The movie is still playing but Liam's heard it so often now the crashes and bangs are just background noise. "I thought you wanted this. I thought you wanted me," Louis whispers and Liam wants to reach out, wants to take Louis hands in his but he isn't sure he should. Isn't sure if he won't need them to shove Louis off if he admits to what Liam thinks this is all really about.

"I won't be pitied, Louis. I won't take whatever this is that we're doing and use it because you want to make me happy."

He sees Louis rock back. Can imagine the look of shock on his face that Liam figured it out - or that Liam knew at all. He's quick to answer though and the heat in his voice makes Liam actually look up.

"You think. . . you think this is a pity fuck? You think I'd do this just because you've been moping over that stupid bint for a year now, even more so the past six months just because she moved on with her life and you were barely _living_ yours? You think that I'd fucking kiss you like this, that I'd be here sucking your tongue just because I wanted to make you happy about her getting married and you being here acting like an utter child because she left you and you haven't figured out that it wasn't your fault it was hers?"

Liam says nothing. He can hear the hurt in Louis' tone and fuck. Maybe he misread this completely. Yet he still doesn't understand why.

"I just. I don't understand - "

"Fuck, Liam! You've _never_ understood. I liked you when I walked into our dorm room and you were there folding your bloody pants to put them in your drawer. I liked you when you came out drinking with me even though you didn't touch the stuff back then just to make sure I got home okay. I started falling for you the first, third or fiftieth time you held me just because you thought I looked a bit sad and needed a cuddle. Bit by bit I fell in love with you but you were always with other people and when we finally had a moment you only wanted me to stop you from feeling lonely and I've tried. I've tried _so hard_ this time not to be that crutch for you and tonight I thought you finally wanted me like I've always wanted you and-" Louis stops. Shakes his head and he's standing up and Liam still hasn't looked at him and this is worse. He feels like ice now and he can hear the hurt he's caused Louis just from even a suggestion at what tonight may have equated to and he can't. He can't let Louis go like this.

"Wait," he says, but Louis is already doing his jeans up - well, attempting to. His hands are shaking and he's trying to toe his bloody shoes on at the same time. "Wait, Lou. You're going to fall if you keep doing that." Liam says and he tries to make it a joke, a fond little remark but it sounds hollow even to his own ears. He gets up, walks the few steps to where Louis has only managed to get the zip up halfway and he covers Louis' hands with his own.

"Don't, Li. I won't runaway like last time. I like Niall too much and I love my job and we can wake up tomorrow and laugh this off but don't. Please don't make me look at you right now."

And God, it hits Liam like a punch to the chest. There's this quiver in Louis' voice and Louis sniffs - just once - but it's enough for Liam to know that he's crying or close to it. Louis always gets the sniffles before the sobbing starts. He's watched Titanic enough with Louis to recognise that particular little tic. 

"No, Louis. Louis can you stop for a second?" Liam's grasping at this new knowledge. Trying to fit it into what he knows, and what he knows of Louis, and it's not making sense. Running away again? Wanting _Liam_? It's not what Liam expected and he can't wrap his mind around any of it but he won't be able to sort anything out if Louis leaves. He can feel how Louis’ hand is shaking under his own. It's like Louis' a skittish pony or something that with one wrong move will bolt. "It's not. I didn't. I wouldn't have kissed you back if I didn't want to. I wouldn't have kept kissing you if I didn't want to. I just didn't understand why you'd want this. Want me."  
Louis looks up at Liam then and - there's already red at the rims of his eyes and they're shiny with tears unshed. Fuck, he's hurt Louis and didn't mean to. 

"Liam, I've tried so hard not to want you that giving in tonight was possibly the best and worst decision I've ever made."

"Oh."

Louis closes his eyes, scrunching them up tight and when he opens them and looks at Liam - really _looks_ Liam thinks he might be a step closer to understanding. 

"I fell in love with you at Uni, Liam, but you were always with someone else - wanting someone else. So I left before watching you find what you were looking for eventually broke my heart. I grew up and I found you again at the coffee shop that day and you were exactly the same, _exactly_ the same, Liam. Then you kept pretending you weren't lonely but you never even looked at me so I remembered Dani and I thought that might help and it did but she fucking broke you and I had to stand there and watch as you didn't even bother to pick up the pieces. I've always _watched_ you and then tonight, you seemed to watch me and I thought _finally_ and then you pull away and ask _me_ if i pity _you_?" he shakes his head, breathes out harsh through his nostrils. 

"I pity myself for even thinking that you'd see me as more than what I've always been. Your mate, the idiot that runs your office and has never had a relationship last more than three months because it always comes back to a boy with beautiful brown eyes and a kind heart whose never properly even _glanced_ in my direction."

"You're wrong," Liam says and Louis snorts but he still hasn't moved. Still lets Liam hold his hands and Liam counts that as something. Has to keep a tight grip on that because with all these revelations he honestly doesn't know how to feel. He was so wound up at the beginning and now he's . . . he can't even begin to peg down how he feels. Hopeful? Scared? Lost?

Found. Maybe found. 

"You were always the loud one. The one who didn't come to Unii to try things out. You already knew who you were and what you wanted - you were so driven back then - still are. You dated all the time and I couldn't even see you having time for me. Me, who had no idea really who I was or what I wanted with anything. I changed my mind on what I wanted to do after Uni so many times that you made me stick career ideas on the dartboard down at our local just to pick one, remember? Then in our final year I thought - I thought maybe because I finally had a goal and I was set on a little of who I was that we had something or could have and you left. You left and you cut me slowly out of your life and everytime you didn't answer my text or emails it felt like that final acknowledgement that what you really didn't want was me. And now you're here again and you've pushed me back together, made me better and it feels too good to be true. You can't possibly want me the way I've always wanted you."

Louis squeezes Liam's fingers a little but is quiet and Liam's just said everything he's been carrying around since first year locked tight in a little box marked "Louis will never like you like you like him" and he's got nothing. There's absolutely nothing he can give Louis now. The corner of his heart he never could give completely away because it was Louis' is gone now, too. He's empty and Louis is still _standing_ there and it's the only thing keeping Liam upright. The only reason he hasn't moved himself is because Louis hasn't either.

"Are we really arguing about who hid their crush better than the other right now when we were in the middle of getting it on?" Louis asks, soft voice and a hint of humor and Liam can't help himself. He laughs.

He laughs and it feels like the weight of everything they've said and everything Liam's finally admitted to is just gone. Pushed up with the bubbles of laughter that are wracking Liam's chest - and Louis, too, if the grin on his face and crinkly smile are anything to go by. They laugh and laugh until it slows and it feels like before on the couch when just pressing his finger to Louis' nose had started something. It feels like before that when Louis had pulled Liam from bed that first morning when Danielle had left and Liam had finally given in and answered one of Louis' _many_ calls and he hadn't realised that Liam was completely naked under the covers. It feels like before that, even, when Louis had a bit of froth on his lip and Liam had just sat there and watched Louis talk the entire time they were at the coffee shop until the end when some lovely lady had walked past and mentioned that Liam had something on his face - thats when he realised that Louis had sat there watching Liam have the same thing and also never said a word. It's before that when two idiots drunk on happiness and booze and each other's friendship fell into a kiddie pool to watch the stars and mostly watched each other.

"So since you caught me folding my pants, then," Liam says and it feels like his face might break with how hard he's grinning and Louis nods and ducks his head, tugging their joined hands out from between their bodies and swings them back and forth at the side. 

"You thought I had it together? Me who couldn't hand one single solitary assignment in on time the whole time we were at Uni?" he looks up at Liam from under his flopsy fringe and Liam squeezes their fingers together.

"Well maybe not that, but everything else, yeah."

"Yeah." Louis hums in agreement and his tongue flicks out, quick over his lips and they're spit shiny now and pink and Liam was _kissing_ Louis and maybe now he's allowed to do it more than he thought. 

"Not a pity fuck then," Liam says, voice low and he can't stop staring at the tremor in Louis' bottom lip every time he breathes out. Just wants to feel Louis fat bottom lip between his own, wants to nip on it a little, make Louis moan like he did before when Liam did the same thing. Wants to do it again and again and more even - just to learn what it takes to make Louis come undone.

"Liam," Louis says and he still hasn't raised his eyes properly, won't look at Liam in the eye and then he does and Liam's near gutted with how beautiful Louis is. Especially now, blue eyes wide and gaze open enough that he looks utterly vulnerable. 

"Yeah," 

"I really would like it if you kissed me now." 

"Yeah, yeah. Of course," Liam says and swallows hard because this is different. This isn't the alcohol fueled snogs from before. This isn't something that they could possibly blame on hanging around each other too much or anything really. This is because Louis wants to and he asked and he's liked Liam since he met him and it might have take Liam forever to understand that Louis likes him as much as Liam's always not let himself even _think_ about liking Louis - but he's there now. They're both there. 

"Liam, _please_ ," Louis adds and oh. Right. Probably best to stop thinking about kissing Louis and actually do the kissing part. 

He leans in and rubs the tip of his nose over Louis cheek, sliding down slow and just as he's about to fit their lips together. Liam stops. 

"You really want this? Want me?" because he has to know. He _has_ to know this isn't about anything other than the simple fact Louis likes him. It can't be about anything else. Liam's heart can't take it.

"Oh for, Christ's sake," Louis whines, rolling his eyes and before Liam knows it - Louis' got his hands on either side of Liam's face and he's kissing Liam all over again. 

Liam staggers back. Louis is quite forceful when he wants to be, and Liam kind of enjoys it. All the good that froze up from before has melted during their talk and his veins are warming up, blood beginning to spark with want as Louis' tongue dives into Liam's mouth and he _takes_. They don't stop kissing as Louis guides them back. Liam's legs hit the sofa and goes down, falls flat onto his arse and Louis follows, pushing him to the side until Liam gets the hint and lies down along the cushions so Louis can fall on top of him. Louis is smaller than Liam, not a lot but enough that he fits perfectly atop Liam's waist, can squeeze a knee between Liam and the sofa cushions. Louis sits up on his haunches, body leaning over Liam's as he deepens their kiss, not even pausing for air or so it seems.

"Wanna kiss you," Louis says, punctuating every word with a peck to Liam's lips. "Wanna kiss you for all the times we didn't, for all the times we could have - should have."

Liam says nothing, but his heart swells and it feels like it could beat out of his chest with the revelations made between them tonight. He just gets a fist full of Louis hair at the back of his head and drags him in, giving Louis back just as good as he was getting before and Louis makes this _sound_ and god - they can't just do this. Kissing is possibly the greatest thing but not now. It's not enough though, not now that he knows that Louis wants this just as much as he does. 

Louis must think so, too - judging by the way he's doing this slow rocking _press_ against Liam from above. Liam's got his fingertips knitted into the short hair at the back of Louis neck and the other is riding high on Louis’ thigh, sliding slow around the curve of Louis' lovely bum. He pulls Louis in, grip tight on Lou's jeans and Louis makes this _sound_ and - yeah, yeah. This is definitely going to happen. Louis moans and the sound goes straight to Liam's cock and he's hating the fact he took Louis' advice in clothing tonight. These particular jeans are ridiculously tight and Louis keeps grinding against him in a way that makes it near painful to have his dick trapped against his zipper. 

"Lou, need to. It hurts," he tries to explain amongst the kisses, Louis chasing Liam's tongue and taste and he doesn't want to let go of Louis' bum but he needs _out_ of these bloody trousers soon. 

Louis breaks away for a moment, breath almost cool on Liam's heated skin as he trails these wet, open mouth kisses down Liam's chest. He pays particular attention to Liam's nipples, and they pebble up even more when he just hovers and _breathes_ above them. It's a quick twist with his fingertips in the next second and Liam's sucking in air fast while Louis giggles. Liam's calling Louis a prick a second later, pinching a bit of skin Louis hates at his side. Liam's never really thought about Louis being fat - because he's not - but Louis will grab at the little extra curvy bits at his side and poke at his belly and then poke at Liam's in the next breath and sigh when they're out sometimes. Liam for one, loves Louis' curves and his tummy - he wants to spend days just blowing raspberries on it and nipping it with his teeth or just running his hands over every single inch of him. 

"You are so fucking _fit_ Liam Payne," Louis responds, mouth hovering over Liam's sternum before he descends, teeth grazing over Liam's ribs at the side where his skin is stretched tight over bone. Liam's hips buck up of their own accord because he might be ticklish there in normal circumstances - but the combination of heat and wet from Louis mouth and then the little bit of pain from his teeth is just too much to handle. 

"Always loved watching you run at Uni," Louis says, one hand clasped on Liam's hip, pushing down as he continues whatever this almost tour of Liam's chest. Liam's mouth is just opening and closing now, he can't even get out words because Louis' is undoing his zip and holding him down at the same time. It's hot, and it's not something anyone's ever done with him before and he just _wants_ Louis to keep doing whatever it is he plans on doing. Liam fingers Louis' hair, his nails scratching light over Lou’s scalp as Louis moves lower and Liam can't reach him properly anymore. 

"Do you remember," Louis starts, all out of breath and his voice down an octave or something and unlike Liam's heard for a _long_ time, "Do you remember when you'd come back into the flat, you'd toe your shoes off and head straight for the fridge?"

Liam nods, because he can _not_ speak right now. Not with how he knows Louis has his zip down now and his fingertips are just running back and forth underneath the elastic on Liam's pants. His skin feels hot and too tight for his body, like there's a buzzing building underneath it that just might break through and fill the air with sound if it could. 

"God, you'd tip your head back," Louis presses his lips just above Liam's belly button, then again where the dark trail of hair is wiry and thickens as it disappears under where Louis' fingers are still skimming softly over Liam's skin. Goosebumps breaking out over his forearms and stomach and then everywhere as Louis' lips go further down still. 

"Just swallowing down the water from bottle and your _throat_ was just obscene, Li," he licks his lips and laughs right into the space where his fingers were, they've slid to Liam's hips now. Louis sits up then, dragging Liam's pants and jeans down, wiggling backwards as he does so and Liam has to lift his hips to help. 

Louis huffs a little, the tight material getting stuck on Liam's thighs a bit and Louis falls back to the opposite end of the sofa when he just can't shift them any longer. Liam laughs, slapping a hand over his mouth once Louis sits back up and gives him this look that Liam has seen him give rude clients or that one delivery guy from the chinese shop they love around the corner from work that they _only_ keep using because it makes Louis' favourite egg rolls. Liam knows it's a look of annoyance so he shuts up, bites at his lip and then Louis is covering his eyes with his forearm and groaning in a way that is a little different to all the sounds Liam's heard from him before. 

"Fuck, Li, can you not _do that_ with your lip right now? I'm trying to be sort of romantic."

"We're drunk, we can't really, _Jesus fucking Christ_ , Louis!" Liam's eyes roll into the back of his head as Louis puts his mouth on the head of Liam's dick that he had sort of forgotten was now on show. He _was_ still drunk. Maybe still too drunk for this.

"What was I saying?" Louis says with a grin, looking up at Liam through long lashes, his chin resting just to the side of where Liam's now uncovered dick is resting hard and high on his stomach. 

Liam blinks, because Louis is _right there_ and his breath keeps washing over the wet tip of Liam's dick and it's just enough of good and bad that he can't really do more than pay attention to the fact it's Louis that's making him feel like this.

"Right. You and your throat and how you'd always, _always_ spill half of the damn thing down your shirt but still, you'd lift it from your stomach and wipe your face and have you _seen_ your stomach lately? Photoshopped. You look photoshopped, Liam Payne,"

"Not lately," Liam says in a small voice, because it's true and he's not gone to the gym lately because he's had his gym buddy Harry off networking for the company in the US and then he really just hasn't left his house or bed much either. He can see the Nandos and the pizza and the Thai - when he feels like being healthy and orders meat _with_ vegetables - filling out the spaces where definition used to reign. 

"Whatever," Louis says with a shrug, "Still got these though," he whispers and then all Liam can hear is the rushing of blood in his ears because Louis is poking his ridiculous tongue out and dragging it up the cut of muscle at Liam's hips that hasn't really disappeared at all. Liam's so fucking sensitive to any touch from Louis right now but that - there? - is almost too much. 

"Your _mouth_ , Lou," Liam croaks when Louis has made sure he's licked both sides evenly on Liam's skin and he smiles at Liam and Liam needs to kiss that smirk off.

"C'mere," he says all soft and near broken, making grabby hands in Louis direction. Louis sits up and Liam's got a hand on his forearm when Louis shifts it off. Liam frowns but Louis shakes his head, then he's rocked back on his heels again and standing up. He's not even making a show of stripping off his jeans and pants, just tugs them off as quick as he can before lying back between Liam's legs - this time, completely naked.

He's got his hands on Liam's chest, fingertips curling over Liam's shoulders. "Hi," he says, faces close and Liam feels like the air in his chest has been completely knocked from his lungs.

"Hi," he manages after a minute, when the blue in Louis' eyes is something he doesn't have to keep staring at to remind himself that Louis is here and Louis has wanted him for a forever and he can have Louis now.

"I really want you to fuck me," Louis says, moving his hips in a way that has them both gasping. Their cocks slide against each other in between them in this tiny space that Louis has left, not quite lying completely on top of Liam. It's lovely. It's just so lovely to have Louis right there and Liam tilts his head up and brushes his lips to Louis'.

They pull back after the few soft, sweet kisses become darker, hungrier and Louis is doing this constant near rut against Liam and Liam isn't sure if it's enough or whether he wants Louis to stop and do something _more_ or just keep going till they both get off. Liam remembers he has hands again, gets one prized off the top of the sofa and back into the soft mess of Louis' hair - he can never get enough of touching Louis' hair. The other attempts to sneak it's way between their bodies and it ends up being a bit awkward because it squeezes Louis' body in the wrong direction and it's at an angle that makes his arm strain and that's not fun for anyone. 

"Not tonight though, I don't wanna leave this couch and I know you won't have anything close by, if you have anything at all," Louis says and his cheeks pink up further and Liam can feel his own face going through the same change. The tips of his ears even feel hot.

"I do, I mean, there's stuff. For tomorrow. If you'll stay?" Liam stumbles over each word because Louis staying means something. Louis asking for a sort of not so drunk do over in the morning _means_ something. 

Louis kisses him, all tongue deep in Liam's mouth and Liam has to work to keep up as Louis miraculously gets his own hand between them and then it's right there with Liam's wrapping around both their cocks. 

"Fucking love you, Liam Payne, love you so fucking _oh god_ , much," Louis grunts and Liam may just squeeze the hold he has better on Louis' prick than his own a little tighter and he can't help but be pleased at how Louis' pace stutters for a moment.

Love. It's been implied at several times tonight but to hear Louis say it like that - heat of passion or no - it's just the very best thing Liam's heard in a long time.

"Wanna eat you up, wanna suck you off, swallow you down, _oh, like, like that,_ he huffs and Liam presses his teeth into the round of Louis shoulder, there's only room for one person to lose their shit verbally right now and Louis is doing an incredible job of that.

"Wanna, wanna fuck you so hard and get you all wet with, _fuck_ with me and then lick you clean and do it all-" he doesn't say anything really after that, just drops his head to Liam's chest and let's out this _groan_. 

Liam works his hand a little faster, the burn of arousal in the pit of his stomach is a near inferno now, his whole body near molten with how much he wants this. Wants to watch Louis come undone. Wants Louis to make _him_ lose it completely and he wants Louis' hands on him forever. Wants the soft press of Louis' lips to his skin _everywhere_ and _always_. Most of all, he wants to do the same in return. 

"Come on, Lou," he leans in and whispers at Louis' sweat covered temple, strands of his fringe stuck to his face and Liam can taste the salt of Louis' skin on his lips. Makes him squeeze a little tighter on the upstroke. Makes him get his thumb over the head of Louis' prick, feels a burble of precome bubble out as he works it over Louis' dick and god he's got to be close. Louis _has_ to be as close as Liam is. Fucking dirty talking bastard making Liam want it _all_.

"Want to fuck you, too. Want to get my fingers in that lovely bum and work one in at a time and take you apart with my tongue . Want you to ride me, right here - _so good, fuck, so good_ \- until, until you come from just my dick alone and I-"

He can't speak after that because Louis is covering his mouth with his own and Louis is jacking them both because Liam's coming in hot spurts over their combined hands and he's sort of forgotten he's supposed to be helping Louis out too. 

"Love you," Liam says or mumbles in Louis' hair and Louis' back arches then, more wet and hot and sticky messes being made between them as he fucks into Liam's hand - a loose fist around Louis' cock. Liam's own now mostly forgotten once he'd gotten off.

Louis collapses on top of Liam with a loud rush of air and Liam uses his free hand - the one not sticky and stuck between them - to ghost over the sweat slick skin of Louis' back. He really does have a gorgeous back, and a lovely bum, that Liam can't help but reach down a little further just to squeeze.

"Don't," Louis shivers and Liam pauses, hand hovering in a touch too light over Louis' arse cheek. "too tired to move and too fucking blissed out and if you put your hand on my bum I will want you to touch it more and I'm too tired to want to fuck now. And we're too old to get it up as fast, and there’s tomorrow and other words, but, blah, tired."

Liam laughs because Louis says most of this rant to Liam's chest, occasionally tilting his head to the side long enough for Liam to really make out what he's saying. Liam can understand that. He's feeling pretty damn good right here where they are and as amazing as the idea of fucking Louis sounds - he really is just as tired as Louis. Dancing and drinking and the worlds most amazing orgasms can truly drain the life out of you.

He murmurs something along the lines in which he hopes is agreeance, carefully shifting his hand to the small of Louis back, fingertips tapping over knobs of bones that he can feel just under Louis' skin. Louis nuzzles into Liam's chest, wiggling the tip of his nose into Liam's skin and it hurts a little - Liam's ribs are under there - but it feels good too. Feels like Louis' is making himself a home like a cat or something. 

"Should clean up," Liam says and Louis answers with either "don't wanna move," or "tomato in my shoe," depending on how good Liam's hearing is. 

"Be filthy in the morning," Liam says through a yawn and Louis just pats him, presses his lips to wherever he's close to and sighs.

"Don't care."

Liam does - but he's also too happy to do anything other than hold the boy on top of him right now. Yeah, it'll be gross later when they're stuck together. Worse, when they figure out they've not only got come on each other, but the couch, and possibly an important piece of paper for some part of the charity thing that Liam's always taking paperwork home for - much to Louis' begging him not to. It doesn't matter, though. Not with Louis in his arms and all that they've said and the fact Louis isn't leaving, doesn't want to leave. 

And the I love you's. Can't forget those.

When Liam does pass out after listening to Louis' breathing slow and become even, it's the first time in a long time that he doesn't dream. Just sleeps.

\- - - -

"Could have put some pants on lads, or at least warned a man." 

Liam hears a groan from somewhere on top of him and he blinks open one eye warily. 

Right. Louis. Louis’ still lying on top of him - naked.

Liam’s on the sofa thankfully underneath said naked Louis, but also - naked. (Well, his jeans are around his calves now and so are his pants but pretty much naked.)

"Finally talked to each other proper, did you?" this voice says, smothered in amusement and then Liam _really_ opens one eye and oh. Then he remembers.

"Hello, Harry," he says, clearing his throat and _hating_ the taste in his mouth that he can now identify purely because he opened his mouth to speak and air came rushing in to mix with the stale of sleep that resided there.

"Shh, both of you," Louis says, fingertips curling around the top of Liam's arm where he'd rested it over Louis' body, holding him to Liam's chest. 

Harry grins, bright green eyes sparkling with mischief and this smile that says he's happy. Happy for them or happy for himself or both - Harry's an unusually happy bastard ninety percent of the time. Liam just smiles back at him and closes his eye, pressing his fingers into Louis' skin - cool from being uncovered during the night. Fuck. They hadn't even got a blanket or anything. Just laid there in their own mess, speaking quietly about everything and anything until finally Louis didn't answer as fast or maybe Liam didn't listen out long enough and they'd fallen into sleep.

"Be nice to me won't you? I've already had to brave the retina burning display of your naked bodies just to come cook you a celebratory fry up for the whole Niall thing but I guess - well, it's a yay, you had sex or a really good cuddle type of celebration too?"

Liam feels his face heat and without looking he knows by Harrys loud snorty laugh that Louis has rose a hand to give him the finger. That's just the relationship his two best friends and coworkers have with each other.

"Right, I guess that's my cue to go spit in Louis' tea after I put the kettle on. Do us a favour though, put some clothes on before you come eat in the kitchen. Might mistake your bits for the sausages and try and put them in the frying pan," Harry says with a laugh and then Louis is rolling to the side, leaving Liam's chest cold. Possibly, with a little less hair on it, too, because _fuck_ they really did get stuck together lying like they had. Louis' sudden movement just to get a stray pillow to throw in Harry's general direction must have pulled at least half a dozen of his hairs out. He's definitely awake now then.

"Twat," Louis calls out, standing and putting his hand out to Liam, offering to help him up.

"You love me!" Harry calls back from somewhere near the kitchen.

Louis' soft, "Yeah," doesn't feel like it's meant for Harry when he's got his eyes locked on Liam's. Crinkly soft at the edges, the blue brighter than it should be with how much they drank and the little sleep they really got if the light rays of dawn filtering through the windows are anything to go by. 

"Yeah, I do."


End file.
